Tuesday, March 22, 2011

DFSWs Secret to Crisp Lettuce

I Store Secrets In My Kitchen
A long time ago, I learned the secret to crisp lettuce – getting it crisp, and keeping it crisp, while storing it for a few days in the ice box. And no. Buying the pre-washed, cut-up lettuce in a bag doesn’t count. That isn’t a secret – it’s just plain gross. I hate the taste of that fake kind of lettuce. It has a disturbing metal taste.

I promise if you spend two minutes doing what I’m gonna explain for you, you’ll never want that mess in a bag again! In fact, you will openly scoff at those who do use bagged lettuce, as I scoff today. You will breathe the clean air of superiority over mere mortal women. Women who don’t know the secret to crisp lettuce.

Yes mam, fresh lettuce is the only way for this girl!
I love lettuce when it’s crispy and ice cold. It has a texture and succulency (Is that a word?), that can’t compare. You take a bite, hear the crunch, feel that soft refreshing whoosh of lettuce juice fill your mouth and…say it with me. Yes! “You almost have to take a slurp break.” Yes, mam. Can I get an, “Amen,” please?

My sissy, Cakki, taught me this trick. It’s one of the secrets of Southern Womanhood that all DFSWs share; passed down from one hand to the other by action and word of mouth – through seemingly idle gibber-jabber. 

Other secrets of the DFSWs would, of course, include how to get a flaky pie crust, how to make your biscuits rise higher than your neighbor’s, and how dark to cook the perfect roux for seafood gumbo…you get the picture. And my sissy, Cakki, being a grand dame of the DFSWs surely can pass down those secrets!

What’s a DFSW?
Well, since you asked so nicely. DFSW stands for Delicate Flower of Southern Womanhood. *snort* Isn't that a hoot? My friend V, who also happens to be a grand dame of the DFSWs taught me most of what I know about this sect. It’s more of a cult really. A rip-roarin’, knee-slappin’, glow-blottin’, belleh-laughin’, Southern charmin’, beguilin’ cult! You should join it immediately.

Sister DFSWs know each other instantly!
Once you do, you will instantly be able to spot a sister DFSW at 20 paces. You will be able to sense the communal other-ness much like the Borg in Star Trek. And being a member pays dividends - such as gaining the secret to crisp lettuce. The secret that will improve the flavor profile of any salad you want to make – as long as it has leafy green things in it. 

And it’s a time saver, too. Who knew?

Have Salads On A Whim!
And this secret can be applied to all DFSW-approved greens, even collards and herbs! If you want your greens crisp. This is your ticket. But I’ll warn you, although it only takes seconds of your personal attention, it does take a little time in the fridge to glean the full-effect.

In my book, washing and preppin’ lettuce is one of the worst jobs in the kitchen. It’s the job given to the rookie. The low man on the totem pole. The scullery drudge. It’s the job you give to the kids just because you had to do it when you were a kid and paybacks are a biotch. In fact, the worst part about making a salad is washing and prepping the lettuce!

DFSW Secret to Crisp Lettuce Revealed
First get a head of lettuce. Heck, do two or three while you’re at – do the amount you’ll need for 4-5 days! Don’t be shy!

Pick the lettuce over for bruised leaves and brown bits.

Run the lettuce under a stream of cold water. Make sure you get all the dirt off of the stem.

I just go ahead and run each leaf separately.

Then lay them out flat on a sheet of paper towels (about 5 or 6 strung together).

Let them sit out for a little bit. Maybe 15 minutes or until you remember you left them sitting out. Don’t crowd them. You want each piece to pretty much touch a part of the paper towel.

Then roll up the paper towel – loosely. Gently.

Wrap each head in a separate length of paper towels.

Once rolled up, turn your produce bag inside out so the dirty side is now outside. And place the rolled up bunch of greens inside the bag. You can put two wrapped heads in the same bag, but just don’t crowd them.

Now store the bag in your produce drawer.

And sleep peacefully knowing you’ll always have crisp, clean, dry lettuce any time you want it, at your command – for salads, sandwiches, lettuce wraps, the sky is the limit. Dream big.

You will never be foiled by not having lettuce at the ready. And like all good card carryin’ DFSWs, you will continue to command the awe and admiration of the masses. Not only do you have great hair and never-fade lipstick, but your lettuce is abundant and always crisp, too. You are the stuff of legends!
Would I lie to you?


  1. That is a great tip! Thanks for sharing. I'm definitely going to use it. Thanks! :)

    1. I love this idea! A lot of the problems people have with sticking low-carb is not having something acceptable "ready to eat" on the run. Having the lettuce all set is a wonderful idea!

    2. Sorry to take so long seeing these comments! I have to go check on my updates to see if I can change a setting to notify me of comments. :)

      I'm a whiz in the kitchen - not so much at the puter!

      Thanks! This trick goes back to my Mam and older sissy. It works great! Now I just wish I had dinner lingering between some paper towels. I'm starving. It's the witchin' hour of 6pm and no food on the table yet. OH MY, take out is calling my name - but I WILL resist! :)

      Hope the DFSW lettuce tip helps us all tonight!